[ Which had been Bells' room, which had been theirs. It's no one's now, and he's tearing it apart trying to find the HL in his stuff because if he stops to think about all the things in there, all the memories connected to it, he's going to lose his mind and claw his way out of the ship.
He doesn't care if Jo doesn't know where it's at either. It's all he can say right now. ]
Fifth. [ And he's laughing at the irony so fucking much. Fifth floor, fifth circle of Hell. Laughing and sobbing just a little because there's nothing to fill that hole in him now. ] Don't-- You don't wanna come down here, Jo.
[ Jo would have ended the call right there is she wasn't worried about what Bells would do. Instead she keep sit going, but doesn't say anything more, sprinting out of the lifts until she finds the open door and sliding to a stop in front of it.
The view of the room shocks her, for a moment, before she shakes herself out of it and heads in to where Bells is - hands out defensively. ]
[ He's still on the floor, on his knees in the same position he'd sort of been talking to her in, and when he looks up, he doesn't even bother wiping his face, staring through her in an attempt to focus. ]
I told you not come here. I'm not gonna... [ Hurt myself. Hurt you again. He shakes his head. ] Go away.
[ and she's immediately kneeling next to him, a hand on his back. ]
Yeah, like that's going to happen. [ she keeps a hand on his back when she looks around the room, sees how he's wrecked everything before turning back to him. ] Hey, are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself with... [ all this ]
[ she doesn't know what it is he's searching for, assumes it's not in the room at all. but the more she helps him the faster she can get him out of here. help calm him down. ]
Nothing. Forget it. [ Because he really doesn't have the time to explain the truth, has a feeling she might try to stop him like Kurt had when he'd brought it up. Everything he'd become had been for him, and none of that mattered now.
Bells eventually sits up, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. ] Why couldn't I have left too? How is any of this fair?
[ the tone of her voice suggests something along the lines of 'let me help' or 'don't close up on me now', but she doesn't actually say it. just moves to kneel in front of him - the whole situation a little too similar to one only a month before. but rather than grabbing his wrists, jo sets her hands on his arms. not closed around them, like before. just there.
she's not even going to start in on the I'm sorry, because it's not going to help. she knows that. ]
[ She's close, closer than he figures she might have gotten considering, but the fight is gone from him now. He didn't have it at the jump, and it's not something he's leaning toward. There's a weird empty feeling replacing that, and Bells lifts a hand to gently touch her wrist, slide it up her forearm. ]
There's no one left now. [ He tries not to shake. ] It's just me, and I've never been good with that sort of thing.
[ she doesn't even tense at the contact - which she might have, had this been a week or so ago. it's too similar, too close, but some part of her is keeping her moving. holding her steady. ]
I'm still here. [ jo doesn't say it like it will fix everything, because it won't. she doesn't think that highly of herself, can't. ] You're not alone, Bells, and you can do this.
[ the mention of dean makes her face darken a little, just because she's still not completely happy with him and because he has nothing to do with this. ]
Dean can shove it, I'm not leaving.
[ she doesn't even know what he's talking about, just assumes it's dean still being hung up on whatever it is he gets hung up on. ]
[ He grits his teeth and pulls his hand away, jerky as he pushes back in a sloppy attempt to get on his feet. The blood rush leaves him unsteady, but somehow, he manages. ]
Maybe I don't want you here then. This is all bad, and you know it is. [ Hands through his hair, and he looks wild, crazy. ] We're not good for each other.
[ she lets him try and get to his feet, hands out in case he needs the support. ]
That's crap. [ jo gives him a slightly confused look, not stepping away. not even moving away from him. she's done this once before, which means she's a little more prepared this time. clothed. ] What does being good for each other have anything to do with it? I'm going to help.
[ He's got it. Or thinks he's got it because he takes a few steps and leans against the wall. Eye level with her on his feet is better than being on the ground. ]
Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. [ He's glaring at her, almost a sneer. ] You told Dean about what happened last jump. You know. He punches pretty damn hard for a human.
[ she keeps close anyway, just in case. even when he's glaring at her. ]
Told-- okay, yeah. I did tell Dean, but it was an accident. He thought we were sleeping together. [ nevermind that's probably how bells made it out to sound, jo looks kind of guilty. ] It was an accident, I didn't think...
[ wait. ]
What do you mean punch? [ and then it sets in ] Did he actually punch you?
[ That seriously doesn't make him feel better. At all. His hand comes up to rub at his forehead, irritated and hurt and so done with all of this. The laugh he gives is bitter. ]
Uh, yeah? [ His tone is sharp, full of poison. ] We fought about it. If he likes you that much, he seriously needs to get his shit straight. 'Cause that is not how things work.
[ Fingers touch his mouth in memory of that lovely day in the gardens. ] I don't think we should see each other anymore.
[ his laugh sends a sharp pain through her chest, because she recognizes that laugh. knows what's behind it, and it hurts her. almost as much as his if he likes you comment does, because he's wrong. has to be wrong.
but she moves on because there are more important things at hand, like the finality in Bells' tone. ]
W-what? What are you talking about? [ she looks at him, the hurt and confusion all rolling into one. ] Listen, I'm sorry about Dean. I'll...I'll talk to him. Try and get him to stop being such an ass.
You heard me. And I don't care what you do. [ He means it, and for some reason, it hurts to say these things to her. ] He's an asshole, and he's not gonna change. Might as well give him what he wants, end it there.
Ever since I met him, it's been nothing but trouble. I can't keep doing this.
[ Which sucks because he really likes Jo, actually trusts her. Had trusted her. Same difference, and his eyes are burning again. Always meant to be alone. ]
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lacksgrace) wrote2035-08-13 11:36 pm
voice;
[ Which had been Bells' room, which had been theirs. It's no one's now, and he's tearing it apart trying to find the HL in his stuff because if he stops to think about all the things in there, all the memories connected to it, he's going to lose his mind and claw his way out of the ship.
He doesn't care if Jo doesn't know where it's at either. It's all he can say right now. ]
voice;
[ she hears the crashing, she can imagine what's happening in that room and what bells is doing, and it only makes her run faster. ]
voice;
voice;
[ she's already in the lifts, pressing the fifth floor button. ]
What room number?
voice;
voice; => action?
The view of the room shocks her, for a moment, before she shakes herself out of it and heads in to where Bells is - hands out defensively. ]
Oh god, Bells...
action;
I told you not come here. I'm not gonna... [ Hurt myself. Hurt you again. He shakes his head. ] Go away.
action;
Yeah, like that's going to happen. [ she keeps a hand on his back when she looks around the room, sees how he's wrecked everything before turning back to him. ] Hey, are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself with... [ all this ]
action;
No, I just-- [ Bells bites at his lip. ] I was looking for something, okay?
action;
[ she doesn't know what it is he's searching for, assumes it's not in the room at all. but the more she helps him the faster she can get him out of here. help calm him down. ]
action;
Bells eventually sits up, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. ] Why couldn't I have left too? How is any of this fair?
action;
[ the tone of her voice suggests something along the lines of 'let me help' or 'don't close up on me now', but she doesn't actually say it. just moves to kneel in front of him - the whole situation a little too similar to one only a month before. but rather than grabbing his wrists, jo sets her hands on his arms. not closed around them, like before. just there.
she's not even going to start in on the I'm sorry, because it's not going to help. she knows that. ]
Nothing this ship does is fair. Nothing.
action;
There's no one left now. [ He tries not to shake. ] It's just me, and I've never been good with that sort of thing.
...what should I do, Jo? [ His voice is quiet. ]
action;
I'm still here. [ jo doesn't say it like it will fix everything, because it won't. she doesn't think that highly of herself, can't. ] You're not alone, Bells, and you can do this.
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No I don't. [ And this isn't even about Kurt now. ] Dean would probably kill me if he knew you were here. I don't think you should be.
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Dean can shove it, I'm not leaving.
[ she doesn't even know what he's talking about, just assumes it's dean still being hung up on whatever it is he gets hung up on. ]
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Maybe I don't want you here then. This is all bad, and you know it is. [ Hands through his hair, and he looks wild, crazy. ] We're not good for each other.
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That's crap. [ jo gives him a slightly confused look, not stepping away. not even moving away from him. she's done this once before, which means she's a little more prepared this time. clothed. ] What does being good for each other have anything to do with it? I'm going to help.
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Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. [ He's glaring at her, almost a sneer. ] You told Dean about what happened last jump. You know. He punches pretty damn hard for a human.
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Told-- okay, yeah. I did tell Dean, but it was an accident. He thought we were sleeping together. [ nevermind that's probably how bells made it out to sound, jo looks kind of guilty. ] It was an accident, I didn't think...
[ wait. ]
What do you mean punch? [ and then it sets in ] Did he actually punch you?
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Uh, yeah? [ His tone is sharp, full of poison. ] We fought about it. If he likes you that much, he seriously needs to get his shit straight. 'Cause that is not how things work.
[ Fingers touch his mouth in memory of that lovely day in the gardens. ] I don't think we should see each other anymore.
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but she moves on because there are more important things at hand, like the finality in Bells' tone. ]
W-what? What are you talking about? [ she looks at him, the hurt and confusion all rolling into one. ] Listen, I'm sorry about Dean. I'll...I'll talk to him. Try and get him to stop being such an ass.
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Ever since I met him, it's been nothing but trouble. I can't keep doing this.
[ Which sucks because he really likes Jo, actually trusts her. Had trusted her. Same difference, and his eyes are burning again. Always meant to be alone. ]
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[ she's confused. she's confused and she's hurt and she doesn't know what's going on, so rather than pushing it she takes a step back. ]
What does Dean have to do with any of this?
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I dunno. A lot? Come on, Jo. He doesn't want me hanging around. I get that much, okay? I'm not stupid.
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