Why do I always have to fucking explain things to you?! [ Somewhere, Bells is yelling at his device, and he honestly has no idea why. Well, he does. But hearing Jo isn't helping him stay calm. ] I trusted you, dammit.
Like you don't know. You really expect me to— [ His voice kind of breaks then, and there's no talking now. Only the sound of something crashing; he kind of just flipped over a desk. ]
[ There's a really long silence. Most of it's filled with the sound of him tearing through other things, another loud thump as he kicks the flipped desk across the room. He curses, elbow slamming hard into the wall out of aggravation. ]
Kurt-- [ Just saying his name hurts, and though she can't see him, he's on his knees, leaning over so that his forehead is pressed to the floor. ] Kurt left. He left me, Jo. He fucking left me.
[ And the crack in his voice is the start of tears. ]
[ she doesn't need to hear most of what he says. just the kurt is enough for her to realize what happened, put the piece together. and then she's up and moving, even if she doesn't know where yet. she just has to find him. she doesn't say much for a few moments beyond a quietly uttered fuck. ]
Where are you? [ a beat. ] I'm coming-- just, tell me where you are.
[ Which had been Bells' room, which had been theirs. It's no one's now, and he's tearing it apart trying to find the HL in his stuff because if he stops to think about all the things in there, all the memories connected to it, he's going to lose his mind and claw his way out of the ship.
He doesn't care if Jo doesn't know where it's at either. It's all he can say right now. ]
Fifth. [ And he's laughing at the irony so fucking much. Fifth floor, fifth circle of Hell. Laughing and sobbing just a little because there's nothing to fill that hole in him now. ] Don't-- You don't wanna come down here, Jo.
[ Jo would have ended the call right there is she wasn't worried about what Bells would do. Instead she keep sit going, but doesn't say anything more, sprinting out of the lifts until she finds the open door and sliding to a stop in front of it.
The view of the room shocks her, for a moment, before she shakes herself out of it and heads in to where Bells is - hands out defensively. ]
[ He's still on the floor, on his knees in the same position he'd sort of been talking to her in, and when he looks up, he doesn't even bother wiping his face, staring through her in an attempt to focus. ]
I told you not come here. I'm not gonna... [ Hurt myself. Hurt you again. He shakes his head. ] Go away.
[ and she's immediately kneeling next to him, a hand on his back. ]
Yeah, like that's going to happen. [ she keeps a hand on his back when she looks around the room, sees how he's wrecked everything before turning back to him. ] Hey, are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself with... [ all this ]
[ she doesn't know what it is he's searching for, assumes it's not in the room at all. but the more she helps him the faster she can get him out of here. help calm him down. ]
Nothing. Forget it. [ Because he really doesn't have the time to explain the truth, has a feeling she might try to stop him like Kurt had when he'd brought it up. Everything he'd become had been for him, and none of that mattered now.
Bells eventually sits up, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. ] Why couldn't I have left too? How is any of this fair?
[ the tone of her voice suggests something along the lines of 'let me help' or 'don't close up on me now', but she doesn't actually say it. just moves to kneel in front of him - the whole situation a little too similar to one only a month before. but rather than grabbing his wrists, jo sets her hands on his arms. not closed around them, like before. just there.
she's not even going to start in on the I'm sorry, because it's not going to help. she knows that. ]
[ She's close, closer than he figures she might have gotten considering, but the fight is gone from him now. He didn't have it at the jump, and it's not something he's leaning toward. There's a weird empty feeling replacing that, and Bells lifts a hand to gently touch her wrist, slide it up her forearm. ]
There's no one left now. [ He tries not to shake. ] It's just me, and I've never been good with that sort of thing.
[ she doesn't even tense at the contact - which she might have, had this been a week or so ago. it's too similar, too close, but some part of her is keeping her moving. holding her steady. ]
I'm still here. [ jo doesn't say it like it will fix everything, because it won't. she doesn't think that highly of herself, can't. ] You're not alone, Bells, and you can do this.
[ the mention of dean makes her face darken a little, just because she's still not completely happy with him and because he has nothing to do with this. ]
Dean can shove it, I'm not leaving.
[ she doesn't even know what he's talking about, just assumes it's dean still being hung up on whatever it is he gets hung up on. ]
[ He grits his teeth and pulls his hand away, jerky as he pushes back in a sloppy attempt to get on his feet. The blood rush leaves him unsteady, but somehow, he manages. ]
Maybe I don't want you here then. This is all bad, and you know it is. [ Hands through his hair, and he looks wild, crazy. ] We're not good for each other.
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lacksgrace) wrote2035-08-13 11:36 pm
voice; an hour or so later
voice;
What? Why?
voice;
voice;
What are you talking about? Did something happen?
voice;
voice;
[ and maybe her voice is getting a little louder, now, to match him. ]
Bells, what the hell is going on? Where are you?
voice;
Kurt-- [ Just saying his name hurts, and though she can't see him, he's on his knees, leaning over so that his forehead is pressed to the floor. ] Kurt left. He left me, Jo. He fucking left me.
[ And the crack in his voice is the start of tears. ]
voice;
Where are you? [ a beat. ] I'm coming-- just, tell me where you are.
voice;
[ Which had been Bells' room, which had been theirs. It's no one's now, and he's tearing it apart trying to find the HL in his stuff because if he stops to think about all the things in there, all the memories connected to it, he's going to lose his mind and claw his way out of the ship.
He doesn't care if Jo doesn't know where it's at either. It's all he can say right now. ]
voice;
[ she hears the crashing, she can imagine what's happening in that room and what bells is doing, and it only makes her run faster. ]
voice;
voice;
[ she's already in the lifts, pressing the fifth floor button. ]
What room number?
voice;
voice; => action?
The view of the room shocks her, for a moment, before she shakes herself out of it and heads in to where Bells is - hands out defensively. ]
Oh god, Bells...
action;
I told you not come here. I'm not gonna... [ Hurt myself. Hurt you again. He shakes his head. ] Go away.
action;
Yeah, like that's going to happen. [ she keeps a hand on his back when she looks around the room, sees how he's wrecked everything before turning back to him. ] Hey, are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself with... [ all this ]
action;
No, I just-- [ Bells bites at his lip. ] I was looking for something, okay?
action;
[ she doesn't know what it is he's searching for, assumes it's not in the room at all. but the more she helps him the faster she can get him out of here. help calm him down. ]
action;
Bells eventually sits up, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. ] Why couldn't I have left too? How is any of this fair?
action;
[ the tone of her voice suggests something along the lines of 'let me help' or 'don't close up on me now', but she doesn't actually say it. just moves to kneel in front of him - the whole situation a little too similar to one only a month before. but rather than grabbing his wrists, jo sets her hands on his arms. not closed around them, like before. just there.
she's not even going to start in on the I'm sorry, because it's not going to help. she knows that. ]
Nothing this ship does is fair. Nothing.
action;
There's no one left now. [ He tries not to shake. ] It's just me, and I've never been good with that sort of thing.
...what should I do, Jo? [ His voice is quiet. ]
action;
I'm still here. [ jo doesn't say it like it will fix everything, because it won't. she doesn't think that highly of herself, can't. ] You're not alone, Bells, and you can do this.
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No I don't. [ And this isn't even about Kurt now. ] Dean would probably kill me if he knew you were here. I don't think you should be.
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Dean can shove it, I'm not leaving.
[ she doesn't even know what he's talking about, just assumes it's dean still being hung up on whatever it is he gets hung up on. ]
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Maybe I don't want you here then. This is all bad, and you know it is. [ Hands through his hair, and he looks wild, crazy. ] We're not good for each other.
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